He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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