So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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