glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
