3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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