Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
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Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
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I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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