Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
