I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You can't motorboat a personality
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
