how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
