he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
