I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
