Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
