I'm sorry my penis didn't work
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
