we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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