this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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