She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
