If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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