if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
