You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
