let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
