im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
