at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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