i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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