he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
