Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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