I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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