i just wanna soil my oats bro
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So much rum. So many feels.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
