I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
