dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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