I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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