I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
