I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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