eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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