How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
