So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
