Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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