so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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