I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
