just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
