So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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