I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
