i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
