I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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