we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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