If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
