first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
