What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
