He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
