So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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