You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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