My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
