so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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