it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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