Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
