babies were throwing up all over the place
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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