is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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