i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
