you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The power of my boobs compel you
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
