new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I hope mine doesn't look like that
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
