I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
