I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
