I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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