no, he came in my armpit
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
