just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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