My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
