Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
is wine microwaveable?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
