In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
