As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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