Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
