He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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