In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I think your dad took our porno
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
