I want to have your abortion
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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