Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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